The Standard of Friends

Question: What do you do if other Christian families do not follow the same standards as you?

Answer: In the last blog, we discussed the importance of setting standards. However, as you raise your child, you will find that other families, even Christian families, will have different standards and values than you. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for other households. You cannot control what they allow or disallow in their home. While you may discuss your values and reasoning with other parents, they make the ultimate decision in their home, as you do in yours.

    Communication and respect are vital, as they are in any relationship.  It is wise to have some sort of relationship, even if  just as a friendly acquaintance, with your children's friends' parents, especially when your children are young. If your child wants to stay over at a friend's house, who does not share your values, communicate with your child as well as that friend's parents what your child may participate in and what he or she may not. Make sure your child also knows that it is okay to say no to an activity, no matter what his or her friends think, and especially if it means that he or she obeying and respecting  you.  If you are entertaining other children at your house, it is only good manners to ask their parents what they may watch or listen to and what they may not. Then, be respectful of their wishes, even if it means that for the time being you may disallow certain entertainment in your home.

    If your children's friends are not being raised in Christian homes, communication with both your children and their parents is even more important. Know what kind of home they have and what kind of values their families embrace. If you find that their upbringing and lack of standards/values are actually offensive or harmful to your child, you may want to consider not allowing your child to stay overnight or to play at their homes. Or you may decide to allow the friend to come over to your home instead. However, do not assume anything about any particular family or home.  Both Christian and Non-Christian homes could have similar standards as you or they may have a harmful lack of values. 

While we are called to be loving examples of Christ to the world, we are also called to protect our children. Either way, it is never easy to tell another parent that your child may not participate in a particular event. Still, at the end of the day, you are accountable to the Lord for how you raise the children He has blessed you with. Seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance and God's Word to help you to do what is best for all concerned, so that your home would become that beacon of light and haven of safety to the world.