How can we forgive the abuse suffered in
childhood?
Forgiving a parent, neighbor, family friend, or relative
for the abuse suffered in childhood can be one of the most difficult things a
person can ever do. Yet, through the power, forgiveness, and the love of Jesus
Christ, it is possible to not only forgive such horrendous acts, but also to
live victoriously and confidently in the Lord afterwards.
Verbal abuse, physical (non-sexual) abuse, sexual
abuse, and harsh discipline should all be addressed differently. Some
acts of abuse are criminal behavior, requiring the aid of police and the
judicial system, while other acts are more subjective in nature.
Nonetheless, abuse of any kind is sin, and requires the offender to repent and
seek God’s forgiveness as well as the forgiveness of the victim he or she abused.
True and long-lasting healing of a relationship can only occur if Jesus
Christ is welcomed as Savior, and the power of the cross has changed both the
lives of the abuser and the abused forever, making them new creations. (2
Corinthians 5:17-19)
Regardless, if the abuser has or has not been saved
and repented , the victim has the responsibility of forgiving “seventy-times
seven" (Matthew 18:21-22 ). This means that the person must
forgive the abuser over and over again if need be no matter the terrible deeds
that were done. As unfair as it seems, forgiving is for the victim's
benefit, not the abuser's. By forgiving, the victim prevents a root of
bitterness to dwell within his or her heart. While we may think that it is our
right to hold a grudge to be upset, that very right we hold onto to so dearly
only hurts us victim in the end. By refusing to forgive, we condemn ourselves
to remember and relive the abusive works against us. By allowing bitterness
into our hearts, we only inflict more damage and destruction into our souls, minds,
and whole being. It's like personally cutting open a wound over and over again,
making it bleed, and refusing to let it heal. After everything that has
happened to you, don't you deserve to have peace? Don't let the abusive works
and lack of forgiveness take hold of you and chain you down. Don't let it
define you and shape who you are. Set yourself free by seeking
Jesus to help you forgive. It won't be easy, but do it for yourself and do it
because God wants you to forgive. "Get rid of all
bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of
malice. Be kind and compassionate to
one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians
4:31-32 In the end, you find that you are a much stronger, wiser
person than if you held onto the bitterness.
A good way to start the forgiveness process is to
pray for yourself to be open to the healing God wants to provide. Pray for
wisdom and emotional healing from what you have suffered through. Above
all, and most difficult, pray for the abuser to come to Christ and to leave his
or her wicked ways. Pray for healing and the blood of Christ to renew
their life. Just start to pray and seek God and trust Him to deal with the
abuser. Don't worry about anger or revenge. (Romans 12:17-19) God
has promised us that he will right the wrongs, even if we do not see it with
our own eyes. Have faith in Him and His ultimate wisdom. When it's hard to pray
these prayers, remember that forgiving the offender helps to promote healing and
freedom in our lives, whether the abuser is repentant of or not.
Forgiving an abusive person is in no way condoning their sin or criminal
activity. There will always be consequences for maliciously hurting another.
Instead, by forgiving, you allow the Holy Spirit to help you move on and escape
the mantle of abuse, so you can live in victory and freedom in Christ. So, take
a moment and pray for God's guidance as you take the first steps in
restoration.
(Our next blog post will delve into the
different types of abuse and the different recourses to forgive the abuser.)
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