Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Respecting the In-laws: Child Dedication vs. Baptism

Question: My wife and my family are different denominations and are pressuring us to do a child baptism instead of a dedication. What's a good way to handle our parents with respecting their beliefs?

Answer: Unfortunately, instead of avoiding confrontation, you will have to have the hard conversation. First, you want to make sure you enter this discussion prepared, especially when dealing with different beliefs. You will need to decide why you are choosing dedication over baptism, and be honest with your parents about your reasons. Fortunately, as a dual denomination family, focus on what you have in common: God's Word. Use it as a resource to discuss both sides of the argument to come to the most God-honoring decision. Don't base your decisions on tradition, denominational preference or practice, or anyone else's opinion feelings. Instead, base it on God and what He would want for you and your family, and to do that you go to the Bible.

Before you even have the hard conversation with your parents, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. You need to make the decision together as a couple, with no outside parties pressuring you into a decision. While it's wise to take godly counsel, it is up to the both of you to make the best, God-honoring decision possible for your family. Having a united front will help strengthen you and your wife, while giving you resolve, as you take on the responsibility of leading your family and confronting your parents.

As you and your spouse pray and seek God's Word, it may also help if I explain why Calvary performs infant dedications instead of infant baptisms. While many denominations believe in infant baptisms, and even believe that this ordinance saves an infant, this simply is not in the Bible. The Bible says that to be saved one must confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe your heart that God raised him from the dead. Baptism, according to scripture, is not an act that saves any one (no matter what age the person is at the time the baptism takes place). Instead, it is your belief & confession of Christ as Savior alone that saves you. (Romans 10:9-11) Salvation comes from a personal commitment to Jesus Christ, understanding that He and He alone died for that person’s sins, and that through Him alone, abundant life on earth and eternal life in heaven is found. How can an infant who barely can speak or comprehend the world around him/her confess or believe? During this stage of development, an infant cannot. However, that doesn't mean that your baby is condemned until he or she can confess. Children have a very special place in God's heart. (Matthew 19:14)  At Calvary, we believe that a child, although born with original sin, is innocent of intentionally sinning. Once the conscience is formed and he or she reaches the moral age of accountability, then, this child will become responsible for his or her sins and will need salvation.
It is only after salvation that Christians are encouraged to be baptized. Baptism is an act of obedience to God, which shows the world that this person is making a public confession of the personal commitment and that he/she has consciously accepted Jesus Christ as his/her Savior. As the saved individuals are immersed under the water, this symbolizes that our sins and old self have died, and then, when we come up from the water, we are  new persons--born again-- new creatures in Jesus Christ. Baptism is our commitment to the world that we understand what salvation means, and we will continue to follow Christ and His ways for the rest of our lives. Jesus set the example by being baptized as an adult, demonstrating what Baptism means for His followers (Matthew 3:11-17; Matthew 28:18-20; Mark 16:16, Acts 10:47-48, Romans 6:4). Nonetheless, there is no record of infant baptism anywhere in the Bible. Scriptures show that baptism follows salvation, by believing in Jesus, and not the other way around.

Instead of infant baptism, Calvary follows the biblical example of dedication. Child dedication also does not save your child, and actually has very little meaning for the child at the time. Rather, the Dedication is for the parents. Parents are making a public commitment to the church and to God that they will raise their child in a godly home, according to Biblical principles. They will set a godly example, nurture their child in the ways of the Lord, and hopefully lead their child to Christ someday. The parents are symbolically giving the child back to the Lord, realizing that he/she is a gift that He gave them. They are entrusting the child’s spiritual upbringing to God, just as in the Bible. For example, in the Old Testament, Abraham dedicated Isaac in Genesis 21 & 22, and Hannah dedicated Samuel to God in 1 Samuel 1:11-28. Yes, even back then, these parents knew that their children belonged to God and would raise them accordingly. Joseph and Mary even dedicated Jesus in the New Testament, having brought him to the temple and presented him to the Lord in Luke 2:21-24. As your child grows up in a godly home, you can remind him or her of the Dedication and how important he or she is to God and to you. Hopefully, one day, the child will realize that he or she also needs God, and will make the decision to follow Him and be baptized sometime afterwards.

As you come together as a couple and as parents, you must ask yourselves why are you dedicating or baptizing your child. Is it because you want to raise your child in a godly home? Or is it for salvation or church membership? Both of which are the child's decision to make and not your own; no matter how much you may want to guarantee his or her spiritual wellbeing. In the end, we are all held accountable for our own decisions, even our children. After you and your spouse have reached an agreement and are adequately prepared, you will need to discuss it with your parents. Once again, try to approach them with humility, using the Word of God as reference. Perhaps, they will be open and receptive as you discuss the differences between baptism and dedication.  Unfortunately, you may also find that sometimes respecting your own personal beliefs will make your parents unhappy. While you may respect your parents’ belief systems, you will want to be careful that no matter what, you don't sacrifice your beliefs or make any decision that you will regret in the future. This is your family--you, your wife, your children--and your  responsibility is to make sure your household is following God's Word. Whatever decision you make, we at Calvary Church understand that even if you feel you are doing the right thing, it can be difficult when dealing with extended family. During this time, we, your church family, will definitely keep you and your family in prayer. We pray that God will lead you with the words to say, the strength of resolution, and the wisdom to make the right decision in all areas regarding your family.

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