Living Long-Distance Lives

Question: How do you work on building relationships with family when  your closest family is hundreds of miles away?
 

Answer: Fortunately, with today's technology of email, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, texting, and countless other social media sites, we can be constantly involved and informed about each other's lives. We can even use that good ol' technology of  the post office and send a letter, or we can make a phone call. With today's vast transportation system, we can make cross-country trips in  a matter of hours. Of course, both parties should be able to save up and visit each other, so the burden or money, time, and travel doesn't fall to heavy on one family member to do all the connecting. If you aren't technologically savvy, we encourage you to try new things, learn a new skill, so to stay in contact with everyone in your family despite the generational or technological gaps. There is so much we can do in this day in age to stay in touch and build relationships.

Yet, surprisingly, with all this and possibly due to all this technology, long distance relationships are not only common but are quickly becoming the norm. How often do we visit or talk to the family we have in town? Years ago, visiting the grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, were a regular monthly, maybe even, weekly occurrence. Now, we're lucky to see the extended family once a year for special holidays and events. Don't forget that relationships take work; they take initiative to foster and grow. I believe one most common mistakes that our modern society makes with all our technology is that we  mistake information for a relationship.  A status update on Facebook or a tweet does not a conversation make. In addition, if you're waiting on someone else to reach out and contact you, you may be waiting forever.  You need to be willing to take the initiative, make the effort, and pick up the phone to talk to someone or  to write someone an encouraging email. Don't settle for a living a long-distance life with relationships of people who only live minutes away. You may be surprised how enriched your life can be when you take the initiative.

Another reason we live long-distance lives may be job-related. Sometimes, family moves away for a larger income or a promotion, or sometimes, the military and active service separates us from our loved ones.  If that's the case, the best thing to do is be supportive always. We would do well to respect  their choices, do all we can to stay connected,  and encourage them . Too often, people who have taken jobs elsewhere or who serve in the armed services, are made to feel guilty for their choices and pressured to do something that God has not called them to do. Anyone who follows God's calling, even if it seems dangerous or risky or even foolish to us as family members, should be applauded. Never let your own insecurities about a situation weigh down your loved ones. Instead, let your insecurities weigh on God, and let Him take care of both of you. (1 Peter 5:7)  Remember to keep those loved ones in prayer. After all, it's probably not easy for them either being away from the ones they love.

Now, if past family discord or abuse were the cause of the separation, it is understandable that you may not want to keep in communication with them or they with you. As difficult as it may be, God has called us to forgive one another (Matthew 6:14-15) and be peacemakers (Romans 12:14-16). The only representative of God in your family's life may be you. As a beginning, try to keep in touch with family members at least a couple times per month.  Remember as you interact with difficult family members that as Christ-followers, we are to clothe ourselves with love, humility, and kindness (Colossians 3:12-15). The more difficult or frigid the family member may be the more bundling it may require.

If abuse and discord is still active and destructive in your family, pastoral counseling may be needed to help the healing process with these unhealthy relationships. Sometimes, a family needs to learn and understand what kind of communication is healthiest in their situation. Just remember, we are to be peacemakers not peace-meddlers,  and righteous, not self-righteous. As Jesus said before we judge anyone else, we need to judge ourselves first.  (Matthew 7:1-5)

So what if you find yourself without family? Maybe you're the one who moved away? Or maybe all your loved ones have passed on? Or the hurt and abuse from your family is too painful for a lot of contact? To all of you, I want to remind you are not alone. Yes, God is there to be your Comforter and Father, so rely on him to supply all your needs physically, emotionally, and mentally; however, also remember that you have a church family who wants to get to know you and love and accept you. The best way to meet your new family is for you to get involved. There are over a thousand people at Calvary, and if everyone sits back and waits for someone else to come alongside them to be their friend, it will be a building of very lonely people.  God didn't create us to be that way. He created the church to be a family, one body of believers, supporting each other, loving each other, helping each other through the hard times. (1 Corinthians 12:12-27) If you are having any problems connecting or finding ministries to get involved with, as always, we encourage you to pick up a Life Group Guide or email lifegroups@toledocalvary.org. By getting involved in a Life Group, by volunteering in a ministry, and supporting the church as an active part of the body, you will fulfill one of God's purposes for your life. As you get involved, you may find you have a very large family indeed, grateful to have you as a part of them, and ready to support you as you walk through life’s challenges and joys. However, in the end, it really is up to you to take that first step in becoming part of a church body rather than continuing to be alone.