Unequally Yoked 3: Lifetime Sentence

Over ten years ago, one of my best friends decided to marry a non-Christian. It was a whirlwind relationship, lasting only a few weeks, and she was definitely seeing stars instead of reality. He grew up in a religious home, where he went to church occasionally as a child.  I warned her against marrying him and reminded her that even though his family was religious, his religion did not line up with the Word of God. She told me that she believed God told her to be with him regardless, so that she could be a good witness and hopefully lead him to Christ. I privately knew she was wrong. While it’s very good to be a witness to your non-Christian friends, it's another thing entirely to marry one of them. After all, God specifically said not to be unequally yoked in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, and God never contradicts His Word. (As a side note, if you ever think that God is telling you to do something, and it is direct violation of what the Bible says, it is not God speaking to you. It is your feelings speaking to you, and your mind trying to rationalize away the difference.) Fast-forward ten years to the present.  My friend is still married because as a Christian she knows marriage is a lifetime commitment, but her marriage is under constant strain and discord. Not only were they unequally yoked in religion, but they were also unequally yoked in every aspect of their relationship. (See previous blog posts about being unequally yoked.) My friend’s impetuous nature had tied her to an unhappy marriage of extreme opposites. Sometimes though, it is not the Christian’s fault. He or she unintentionally ends up being unequally yoked because the person receives Christ after marriage, while his or her spouse does not.  Adding to difficulty, the non-Christian may resent the Christian spouse for the sudden change. All the while, the Christian spouse is torn between loyalties on how to please both Christ and his or her spouse, especially when doing one might mean displeasing the other. Being unequally yoked has been a problem since the early days of Christianity. Fortunately, for cases such as these, Paul gives us detailed instructions in 1 Corinthians 7.     
       
First, the Bible says to remain married. Being unequally yoked is not a reason to divorce, despite the hardship (1 Corinthians 7:10-13). Second, you are called to be an example of Christ in your home. Anything you do or say will reflect upon Jesus. If you let your flesh, temper, or fears guide you, then why would your unbelieving spouse want to believe? Let the change that God has done in you and is continually doing be reflected through your actions (1 Corinthians 7:14-16). Third and finally, God has called you to this place and to this marriage. In the Message translation of the Bible, it says in 1 Corinthians 7:17, "Don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life." There is a divine calling placed on your life to be the best Christian spouse you can be. Even when it's hard being in an unequally yoked marriage, just remember that God believes in you and the example you set, and someday it may inspire your unbelieving spouse to turn to Him.

In the meantime, follow God’s instruction on how to be a good spouse. A Christian husband should love his wife unconditionally, even when it means putting to death his ego and tempers. A Christian wife should respect her husband and submit herself to him (Ephesians 5:22-33). While submission seems to have a nasty, abusive connotation nowadays, it really means to humble your desires and consider his feelings above your own. You place yourself under your husband’s godly authority, choosing to believe in him instead of putting him down. It’s the same sacrificial love that a husband should give his wife, just displayed differently. The Christian husband should be gentle and understanding in his approach, so his wife does not get discouraged. While the Christian wife should be honoring, so the husband knows she is his ally who will stand by his side. Remember, it is your character that matters, who you are on the inside, and how you treat each other that will last (1 Peter 3:1-7).  As a Christian spouse, it is also your responsibility to sexually satisfy your husband or wife and not deny him/her (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).  And daily cover yourself with the Word of God and prayer, so you can recognize and concede to God’s guidance.  To sum up all these things, commit this passage from Colossians 3:12-14 to heart as a reminder to yourself of how God wants us to treat one another. 

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

The challenge God has allowed in your life of being unequally yoked will be a difficult one of endurance, patience, and love.  It will probably be the hardest, but most rewarding, burden to bear for His name, for great will be your joy when your spouse realizes his or her need for Jesus. However, this won’t occur from your nagging or ridicule, but can only come from a place of prayer, seeking God’s Word, being a Christian example, and displaying honest love. Yes, just as it was for you, salvation can only come from and through Jesus. Just as surely as someone else was interceding on your behalf, praying for you to be saved, and even if you were unaware, great was their joy when you received Christ. Take heart, it is now your turn to do the same. 

After years of frustrations, sometimes my friend calls me, throwing up her hands in frustration. "I have done everything I can do. It's hopeless. I don't know what else to do but leave him." I say the same to you as I say to her, from the same place of love and understanding. Do not say you have done everything you can do, if you haven't really done everything you can do. If you are doing what is right, if you are being the spouse God wants you to be, continue doing what is right and then, do it over and over again. The moment you throw up your arms in surrender is the moment that you haven't tried everything. Take a moment to think about what God wants you to do next. Perhaps, it is something you haven’t even thought to try yet, or it’s something that you’ve stopped doing, or maybe it’s something you need to keep continuing to do because it’s working, and it’s just your impatience that hinders the progress. When you are tired, as we all are sometimes, and find yourself at the end of your rope, don’t be afraid to seek Biblical counsel. You are not alone but a part of the body of Christ, and we care for you. Seek out a reliable Christian mentor, or even marital counseling from Calvary’s pastoral staff, and share your burden. There is help and hope for you even in the most difficult of times. Just remember, that even when man (or woman) fails you, God will be with you for every step of this burden that He has allowed you to bear. He promises to be your comfort and guide as you press forward diligently. (1 Peter 5:6-7; Philippians 3:13-14)